We simply obtained a canine. A rescue. From Santa Barbara Humane. After all that’s what it’s important to say on this dog-loving city. When was the final time you heard a Santa Barbarian proudly say that they obtained their canine from a pet mill?
Not gonna occur. Nobody desires to face that a lot public scorn and mock. It’s like residing in Montecito and admitting that you simply do your personal laundry.
We obtained to know him for just a few days and named him Oscar. He doesn’t know his identify but. To him, “Oscar” is only a pleasant sound. He got here from the shelter with no actual identify. Or a historical past. Nobody is aware of precisely what breed he’s, who his household was, or even when he had a household. He’s like that cute however scruffy uncle who exhibits up at household reunions — nobody’s actually positive the place he got here from, who he’s associated to, or what he does for a residing — however you continue to feed him dinner.
Why is he named Oscar? Properly. It’s a secret. Though he’s messy and unkempt similar to the character in The Odd Couple — he isn’t named for Oscar Madison. And he clearly isn’t named after Oscar Wilde, Oscar Robertson, or Oscar de la Renta, as a result of, despite the fact that he’s a wise canine, he’s not famously witty, he can’t common a triple-double for a season, and his odor just isn’t one you’ll affiliate with a fragrance. My mates assume he’s named Oscar as a result of, as a screenwriter, I noticed that it was the one approach I used to be ever going to get one.
Oscar was discovered wandering the streets of Fresno. However don’t maintain that towards him. He truly has good style. In different phrases, he doesn’t like pet food. And, not like every other canine I’ve ever identified, he refuses to lick up any biscuit crumbs he’s dropped on the ground. He additionally insists on having his ears and stomach rubbed on a regular basis. I like to think about him as coming pre-spoiled.
Coaching is harder when a canine doesn’t like pet food or, in Oscar’s case, meals basically. As a result of virtually all coaching includes giving treats for doing one thing: Do that — get a deal with; do this — get a deal with. It’s type of like being given a MAGA hat — you don’t actually perceive what you’re doing; you simply do it since you get the hat. And, ultimately, you’re well-trained.
Strolling with a canine is a a lot completely different expertise than strolling alone. Particularly if the canine is in any respect cute. Or simply not snarling. As a result of, on this city, the place practically everybody likes canine, everybody desires to pet the canine, to know the canine’s identify, and to listen to tales about her or him (a minimum of you suppose they do). Strolling a canine is like spraying a bottle of Instantaneous Dialog on folks. The identical particular person you walked by a dozen occasions with out saying hey to now is aware of how a lot time you spend brushing your canine’s tooth.
As an instance how pervasive canine are in our tradition, observe what number of metaphorical canine phrases we use: You’ll be able to stay in an apocalyptic “dog-eat-dog world” wherein you spend your “canine days” being “thrown to the canine,” or get in a “canine combat,” turn into “dog-tired,” after which get “sick as a canine.”
Or, you may stay the better “it’s a canine’s life” world, the place you may be “a fortunate canine” who has his personal “canine home,” will get a “doggy bag” at a flowery restaurant, rereads a favourite “dog-eared e book,” and perhaps even turns into an “underdog” who wins the sport as a result of “each canine has its day.”
Both approach, issues occur quick — since you stay your life in “canine years.”
Just a few years in the past, I wrote the novel The Van Gogh Murders, wherein I described Santa Barbara’s infatuation with canine. Contemplating my present state of affairs, revisiting just a few tailored paragraphs appears applicable:
“Santa Barbara is an actual canine city. We love our canine. There are a number of older folks on this city who deal with their canine like the youngsters or grandchildren they by no means had; or they substitute them for his or her youngsters who solely go to them yearly.
The names of excellent veterinarians are traded in hushed tones at events like inventory market suggestions, and it’s rumored that we’ve hearth hydrants that aren’t connected to any pipes — they’re simply positioned there for the comfort of our canine.
And in the event you want any extra proof of how good a Santa Barbara canine’s life is — it’s been stated that Toto, Lassie, and Rin Tin Tin all retired right here.”
That’s it. Sorry. Gotta go stroll Oscar.
